6.6.32
I have gone through your poems. For poetry
three things
are necessary. First, there must be emotional sincerity and poetical
feeling — this your poems show that you possess. Next, a mastery over
language and a faculty of rhythm perfected by a knowledge of the
technique and rhythmic expression, there the technique is imperfect, the
true faculty is there but in the rough and there is not yet anoriginal
and native style. Finally, there must be the power of inspiration, the
creative energy, and that makes the whole difference between the poet
and the good verse-writer. In your poems this is still very uncertain,
in some
Page-10
passages it almost comes out, but in the rest it is not evident.
I would suggest to you not to turn your
energies in this direction at present. Allow your consciousness to grow;
if when the consciousness develops, a greater energy of
inspiration comes, then you can write and, if it is found that the
energy not only comes from the true source but is able to mould for
itself the true transcription in rhythm and language, can continue.
24.9.32
Mother smiled as usual and there was no
difference in her. The depression came into you subconsciously be-cause
you had the discussion with X. When you discuss like that with people,
you may put something in them, but something also comes from them to
you. So as X was notin quite a good condition, though nothing like what
he used to be in his depressions, you easily got a touch of it and as
soon as the subconscious could find a habitual excuse (the imagination
of Mother's not smiling) it sent it up to the mind. You should always be
on your guard against these automatic interchanges. A little care is
sufficient — and no needless discussion.
21.11.32
In the first place the Mother was not
pressing you to stop going to X's altogether — only not to stay too long
or chat too much. It is to help an inner change to come. The strength
of the impulse to go there as well as the feeling of
Page-14
trouble or despair at not being able to
carry out the will not to go — a feeling which you should cast away —
may both come from a too great stiffness in the effort of the will
itself. A quiet will progressively fulfilling, freeing the physical of
the attachment to this kind of vital self-expenditure, is the best way.
As for the feeling of being driven,
compelled, that is quite usual when it is the physical nature that is
being dealt with; there is no need to be upset or think it can not be
got over. The physical is the slave of certain forces which create a
habit and drive it through the mechanical force of the habit. As long as
the mind gives consent, you do not notice the slavery, but if the mind
withdraws its consent, then you feel the servitude, you feel a force
pushing you in spite of the mind's will. It is very obstinate and
repeats itself till the habit — the inner habit revealing itself in the
outward act — is broken. It is like a machine which once set in motion
repeats the same movement.' You need not be alarmed or distressed; a
quiet persistent aspiration will bring you to the point where the habit
breaks and you are free — as with the sex drive and tea.
19.1.33
X has written that he won't repeat the tea at A's — it was simply to celebrate the peace-making — so
perhaps she won't insist much. Remain quiet within yourself and put all the stress on the inner condition — in the end the
Page-16
outer circumstances will then become more comfortable.
12.2.33
If one part of you keeps its quietude — the
inner being-— then the rest can be dealt with. Not to allow the vital
to be upset and the disturbance [to] cover up the inner self, that is
the most important thing. Keep up the rejection always.
18.3.33
It is indeed amazing that you should have
lent yourself to an extravagant deception such as M has set on foot. It
is simply the same spirit of vital falsehood, dramatic and romantic,
obscuring the reason and shutting out commonsense and simple truth and
vanity which had impelled M. To clear the vital, to get rid of the old
Sahana in it, you
Page-17
must get out of it all compromise with
falsehood — no matter how specious the reason it advances — and get the
habit of simple straightforward psychic truth engraved init — so that
nothing may have a chance to enter. If this lesson can be imprinted in
that part of the vital which is capable of such compromises — some good
will come out of this wrong movement. Put the mother's notice
hence-forth at the door of your vital being "No falsehood hereafter
shall ever enter herein" and station a sentry there to see that it is
put into execution.
27.3.33
Your idea about Mother's mysterious
smile is your own imagination — Mother says that she smiled with the
utmost kindness and took the most helpful attitude to-wards you. I have
written to you already that you must not put these imaginations between
yourself and the Mother;
for they push the help given away from you.
These imaginations and their effect on you are suggested by the same
vital forces that are disturbing you so that you may not get free from
the disturbance.
My help and the Mother's help are there — you have only to keep yourself open to it to recover.
18.3.33
It is indeed amazing that you should have
lent yourself to an extravagant deception such as M has set on foot. It
is simply the same spirit of vital falsehood, dramatic and romantic,
obscuring the reason and shutting out commonsense and simple truth and
vanity which had impelled M. To clear the vital, to get rid of the old
Sahana in it, you
Page-17
must get out of it all compromise with
falsehood — no matter how specious the reason it advances — and get the
habit of simple straightforward psychic truth engraved init — so that
nothing may have a chance to enter. If this lesson can be imprinted in
that part of the vital which is capable of such compromises — some good
will come out of this wrong movement. Put the mother's notice
hence-forth at the door of your vital being "No falsehood hereafter
shall ever enter herein" and station a sentry there to see that it is
put into execution.
27.3.33
Your idea about Mother's mysterious
smile is your own imagination — Mother says that she smiled with the
utmost kindness and took the most helpful attitude to-wards you. I have
written to you already that you must not put these imaginations between
yourself and the Mother;
for they push the help given away from you.
These imaginations and their effect on you are suggested by the same
vital forces that are disturbing you so that you may not get free from
the disturbance.
My help and the Mother's help are there — you have only to keep yourself open to it to recover.
17.8.36
There is no reason to be so much cut
down or despair of your progress. Evidently you have had a surging up of
the old movements, but that can always happen so long as there is not
an entire change of the old nature, both the conscious and the
subconscient parts. Something came up that made you get out of poise and
stray into a past round of feelings. The one thing to do is to quiet
yourself and get back into the true consciousness and poise. There is
nothing in what you have written about what happened that has any wrong
turn or mistake except the imprudence of intervening and becoming a
messenger of the Ys to X; it would have been wiser to have.
refused. It was not necessary for you to accept; for Y is no pardanashin
woman except, as she told the Mother, when she lives with the father;
otherwise, she is accustomed to a freer life, has been in England and
can meet men in the society way with a perfect composure and knowledge
[of] what to say or do. Besides she has been in friendly correspondence
with X and had already met and spoken with him,
Page-29
so there was no reason why she should not
have said what she wanted to say herself or written or sent her
Secretary, as she did afterwards. Then there would have been no trouble.
This however is an outside thing altogether. There must have been
something not noticed by you perhaps, being off your guard, that brought
you into amore exterior consciousness and caused this reaction. Always
keep within and do things without involving your-self in them; then
nothing will happen or, if it does, no serious reaction will come.
The idea of leaving for any reason is
of course absurd and out of the question. Eight years is a very short
time for transformation. Most people spend as much as that or more to
get conscious of their defects and acquire the serious will to change —
and after it takes a long time to get the will turned into full and
final accomplishment. Each time one stumbles, one has to get back into
the right footing and go on with fresh resolution; by doing that the
full change comes.
20.8.36
It is indeed the best thing, to rest
entirely for a time. You should not cook tomorrow (Friday). The first
thing that is needed is to restore the physical strength and elasticity
and therefore you should do nothing for a time that will tax it. It will
then be easier for the physical consciousness to settle down into
quietude and in the quietude for the inner being to recover its hold of
the nature. It is the necessity to change the outer physical
consciousness so that it may obey the inner and not be subject to the
bondage of past nature that has become evident, but [this] can only be
done when the inner poiseis back. Rest and an entire quietude are
necessary for that purpose.
17.1.37
All these suggestions that come to you
were of course part of the attack on the physical consciousness, — the
attack on the body is used to raise these ideas and the ideas are used
to make it more difficult for the body to recover. At a certain stage
attacks fall heavily on the body because the opposing forces find it
more difficult than before to upset the mind or vital so they fall on
the physical in the hope that that will do the trick, the physical being
more vulnerable. But the sensibility of the body to attacks is no proof
of incapacity, just as the former sensibility of the mind or vital to
attacks was no proof —it can be in due time overcome.
As for the feelings about the Mother
and that her love is only given for a return in work or to those who can
do sadhana well, that is the usual senseless idea of the vital-physical
mind and has no value.
There is nothing wrong in taking care
of the body in
regard to health and, if the liver has gone wrong, the instinct to
refuse too sweet or greasy or heavy foods is aright instinct. Mother has
no objection to your abstaining while the illness is there nor has she
insisted on your taking dal. Her objection is only to what people
often do, getting ideas about this or that food and abstaining even
when there is no acute illness. During an acute state of bad liver,
abstinence is often necessary. Only one must not create by wrong ideas a
nervous incapacity of the stomach or a chronic nervous dyspepsia as R
and others did. She had no other meaning.
Page-33
I hope you will be all right soon. If the body does not right itself, you must keep me informed from time to time.
It looks as if this time it was a
purely physical attack based on nothing psychological except the
tendency of the material (body) consciousness to respond to the insomnia
vibrations. We must try this time to get it out of this last refuge for
its recurrence.
22.8.37
Mother thinks that it is better to
drop the cooking so long as you have no money for carrying it on. She
will pay the dues for August, but for the future it will not be possible
for her to give anything. If in future you can arrange for money, then
you can go on but you shall do it only when you have money in hand, it
is better not to take things in anticipation of money to come, for
people can always change their mind about giving any farther.
If you wish to be free from people's
expectations and the sense of obligation, it is indeed best not to take
from anybody; for the sense of claim will otherwise be there. Not that
it will be entirely absent even if you take nothing, but you will not be
bound any longer.
What you write about the singing is
perfectly correct. You sing your best only when you forget yourself and
let it come out from within without thinking of the need of excellence
or the impression it may make. The
Page-36
should indeed disappear into the past, — it is only so that the inner singer can take her place.
No date
Bula's experiences are those which
usually attend the withdrawal from the outer consciousness into an inner
plane of experience. The feeling of coldness of the body in the first
is one of the signs — like the immobility and stiffness of D's
experience — that the consciousness is with drawing from the outer or
physical sheath and retiring in side. The crystallisation was the form
in which he felt the organisation of an inner consciousness which could
receive at once firmly and freely from above. The crystals
Page-41
received at once indicate organised
formation and a firm transparence in which the greater vision and
experience desending from the higher planes could be clearly reflected.
As for the other experience, his
rejection of the waking consciousness evidently had the result of
throwing him into an inner awareness in which he began to have contact
with the supra physical planes. What was meant by the sea of red ether
and stars depends on the character of the red colour. If it was crimson
what he saw was the sea of the physical consciousness and physical life
as it is represented to the inner symbolic visions. If it was purple
red, then it was the sea of the vital consciousness and the vital
life-force. Perhaps if he had not stopped his sense of the Mother's
presence, it would have been better, — he should rather, if he can, take
it with him into the inner planes; then he would have had no occasion
to fear.
In any case if he wants to
go into the inner consciousness and move in the inner planes — which
will inevitably happen if he shuts off the waking consciousness in his
meditation — he must cast away fear. Probably, he expected to get the
silence or the touch of the divine consciousness by following out the
suggestion of the Gita? But the silence or the touch of the divine
consciousness can be equally, and for some more easily, got in the
waking meditation through the Mother's presence and the descent from
above. The inward movement, however, is probably unavoidable and he
should try to understand and, not shrinking or afraid, go to it with the
same confidence and faith in the Mother as he has in the waking
meditation. His dreams are of course experiences on the inner (vital)
plane. I need not repeat the explanation I have already given to D.
No date
I do not at all understand why you
should think that the Mother was displeased with you for any reason
whatever. She was just as she is always with you. Even if you have made
any mistake, the Mother now is disposed to over-look mistakes and leave
it to the pressure of the Light and the psychic being of the sadhak to
set things right. But why on earth should she be displeased because you
wanted to stop the French lessons with N or for any such trivial
Page-44
reason! Whether you continue or suspend
your lessons is a; detail which has to be settled in accordance with
the' condition of your mind and the needs of your sadhana
and it can be settled either way. It is surprising that you should think
Mother
could show displeasure over so slight a matter. You must get over a
nervousness
of this kind and not disturb your good condition by imaginations — for
it is an
imagination since it had no reality behind it. Have amore perfect
confidence and
do not let your mind create difficulties where there are none.
No date
Musical training is better postponed —
for the present the inner movement is the one important thing; the rest
can be done afterwards.
As regards your question about effort, — follow your own movement. Your own movement is best for you not\ another's.
Many were the questions put to the Mother
and Sri
Aurobindo and they were of various kinds; they were asked
to clearly understand if there were any doubts or difficulties and as long as
they were not made clear the mind was not tranquil. Sri Aurobindo too not only
answered them but did so in great detail and at length till there remained
nothing obscure and he dwelt on each point with great care. As an example I am
quoting here a letter of his in answer to mine. I asked: "If I saw some
one attacking the Truth and exalting falsehood then what should be the attitude
of the sadhaka? Would it be proper to remain indifferent maintaining a yogic
equality or take up arms against the falsehood in support of the Truth?"
This letter was the outcome of a letter I had read where the Mother and Sri
Aurobindo were the target of attack. Needless to say I was very annoyed. A
feeling of disgust had spread over my mind and I felt that I should have no
truck with such people. The mind, however, felt: should one take such a drastic
step? I had asked another sadhak who was very firm to indicate that we should
never compromise in this regard. Sri Aurobindo wrote in answer:
"No doubt hatred and cursing are not
the proper attitude. It is true that to look upon all things, and all people
with a calm and clear vision, to be uninvolved and impartial in one's judgment is
a quite proper yogic attitude. A condition of perfect samatā can be
established in which one sees all as equal, friends and enemies included, and
is not disturbed by what men do or by what happens. The question is whether
this is all that is demanded from us. If so, then the general attitude will be
one of a neutral indifference to everything. But the Gita which strongly
insists on a perfect and absolute samatā goes on to say, 'Fight,
destroy the adversary, conquer.' If there is no kind of general action wanted,
no loyalty to Truth as against Falsehood except for one's personal sadhana, no
will for the Truth to conquer, then the samatā of indifference will
suffice. But here there is a work to be done, a Truth to be established against
which immense forces are arrayed, invisible forces which can use visible things
and
persons and actions for their instruments. If one is
among the disciples, the seeker of this Truth, one has to take sides for the
Truth, to stand against the forces that attack it and seek to stifle it. Arjuna
wanted not to stand for either side, to refuse any action of hostility even to
the assailants. Sri Krishna, who insisted so much on samatā,
strongly rebuked his attitude and insisted on his fighting the adversary, 'Have
samatā,' he said, 'and seeing clearly the Truth, fight.' Therefore
to take sides with the Truth and to refuse to concede anything to the
falsehood that attacks, to be unflinchingly loyal and against the hostiles and
the attackers, is not inconsistent with equality. It is the personal and
egoistic feeling that has to be thrown away; hatred and vital ill-will have to
be rejected. But loyalty and refusal to compromise with the assailant and the
hostile or to dally with their idea and demands and say, 'After all we can
compromise with what they ask from us,' or to accept them as companions and our
-own people—these things have a great importance. If the attack were a physical
menace to the Mother and the work and the Ashram, one would see this at once.
But because the attack is of a subtler kind, can a passive attitude be right?
It is a. spiritual battle inward and outward — by neutrality and Compromise or
even passivity one may allow the enemy forces to pass and crush down the Truth
and its children. If you look at this point "you will see that if the
inner spiritual equality is right, the active loyalty and firm taking of sides
which Y. insists on is as right; and the two cannot be incompatible.
"I have of course treated it as a
general question apart from all particular cases or personal question. It is a
principle of action that has to be seen in its right light and
proportion." (13-9-1936)
question: How can things go on unless 'rejection' can
be made effective?
answer: It will be easier when you bring down a
settled peace and equanimity into that part of the being. There will then be
more of an automatic rejection of such movements and less need of tapasya.
question: 0 Mother! How to bring down a settled peace
and equanimity? If you tell me how, I may try and see.
answer: The Mother's peace is above you—by aspiration
and quiet self-giving it descends. When it takes hold of the vital and the
body, then equanimity becomes easy and the end automatic. (25.8.33)
